Think_a_Minute

Last night at my writer's club meeting, one of the women asked me if I'd lost weight.

Finally, someone noticed! I've lost 40 pounds this year, and she's the first person (besides my wife, of course) to comment.

How depressing is that? I lose 40 pounds, and I don't look any different?

Anyway, then this woman goes on to mention that I look pretty cute (not her exact words, but out of decency I'll spare you her actual remark).

That should be flattering, eh?

Maybe, but this woman is about 80 years old.

So, why can't a woman half my age make a flattering remark, instead of one who's twice my age?
I thought when a guy got to his 40's, his mid-life crisis would involve young bimbos, not great-grandmothers.

Jeez, what a bummer.

I've read some commentary about the deal between Carnival Cruises and the government, which leased cruise ships to be used as temporary housing along the Gulf Coast. A couple of people have said that to get this deal, Carnival must've donated a lot of money to the Bush campaign.

Yeah, I'm sure they did.

Let's follow the trail...Bush doesn't sign the Kyoto Treaty, which causes instant global warming. (It's true! Just ask Barbra Streisand!)

Knowing this will lead to massive hurricanes, Bush solicits campaign contributions from cruise lines, knowing that New Orleans will be devastated and naturally, the obvious place to put people will be on cruise ships. (After all, it's not like the cruise lines have any passengers or anything on their ships.)

Other lines are skeptical, but Carnival sees an opportunity, so they donate a zillion dollars to get Bush elected. (Remember all those "Vote for Bush and get a free cruise" bumper stickers? No?)

Months pass. Years, even. An entire election cycle! But no hurricane. Alas.

Then, when all seems lost, the long-promised hurricane arrives, all those nasty Democrats are flooded out...and it's jackpot time for Carnival!

I wonder how much Carnival will donate in 2008.

Excuse me, I have to go re-fold my tinfoil hat. The CIA satellites will be passing overhead in two minutes.